I slowly lift my eyes from the floor to the mirror in front of me. The disgust I feel in what I see staring back at me. She’s staring at me but who is she? I don’t like her. Her blonde hair is shaggy with the lack of being brushed. Her skin is pale, translucent in a way. I can see the blue of her veins. Her blue eyes stare back with a dull lifeless form. 

She stands there with her shoulders slumped down as if they’re too heavy for her to hold up. Her weak skinny figure doesn’t match to the joy in her heart. Her head turns down to look at her body. Standing there with nothing to it. No fat. No muscles. Skin and bones. That is all she sees. She closes her eyes and turns away as if she could not handle the truth of what stands before her, within her. 

A tear slips through her closed eyes, it rolls down her cheek. 

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” This ringing through her head as she stands there unmoving filled with emotion. Can it be her? 

Why this self-hatred? Is beauty really what you see? 

Movies, beauty magazines and advertisement communicate a message that beauty is malleable, which puts women at risk for harmful appearance concerns, such as basing their self worth on physical attractiveness.

In the classic fairy tale The Ugly Duckling, a homely looking duckling is mocked by his fellow animals because of his unattractive appearance. However, much to the surprise of himself and others, the ugly duckling grows up to be a beautiful swan. This is were the beauty is malleable message really comes across. Just because someone is born unattractive does not mean they cannot grow up to be beautiful like a swan. 

This message is also in marketing campaigns like the famous Maybelline, “Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.” This encourages women to reject the idea of inherent beauty and instead focus on what women can do to improve their beauty. Is this healthy? 

In today’s society, women are constantly bombarded with images through the media of an idealized beauty with youth and thinness. The majority of these images involve photoshopping, retouching, and body reshaping. So, for women, the beauty ideal is an unattainable standard. 

According to the article “Dissatisfaction and perceived sociocultural pressures: gender and age differences,” by Igor Esnaola, Arantzazu Rodriguez and Alfredo Goni, body image can be conceptualized as a “multidimensional construct that represents how individuals think, feel and behave with regard to their own physical attributes.” The importance placed on attractiveness apparently starts quite early. It’s one important factor to children’s feelings of self-worth. 

The media does more than present women with unattainable beauty standards. In many cases, it also tells women there is something they can do to reach these standards. Beauty magazines and cosmetic companies promote the idea that beauty is flexible. This suggests that if women purchase the right beauty products they can come close to attaining this idealized image. This also goes hand in hand with eating disorders. The idealized shape for a woman if thin. If beauty is flexible then skipping meals or extreme dieting can form this ridiculous image. 

Is this healthy for a woman to see? 

Negative body image and disordered eating are pervasive problems in American society. In a daily diary study and a lab-based assessment, Juliana Breines, Aubrey Toole, Clarissa Tu and Serena Chen examined the hypothesis that self-compassion for negative appearance-related events and perceived body flaws would predict healthier eating behavior in college-age women. 

Results of Study 1 showed that on days when participants reported higher levels of appearance related self-compassion, they also reported lower levels of disordered eating. Self-compassion involves taking an accepting attitude towards personal mistakes rather than engaging in harsh criticism. This approach involves three overlapping components: Self-kindness, common humanity “or recognizing that failure is part of being human rather than feeling like the only one with problems,” and mindfulness “taking a balanced perspective on negative events and emotions rather than over-identifying with them” 

Just looking at myself, I am small yet there is nothing small about me. My thoughts are bigger than my body and my soul could eat my body for a light snack. My body is weak and fragile but who I really am is a strong woman that could never really be broken. Should this be what beauty is? The inner caramel you really want from a chocolate bar or the nutty goodness inside that peanut shell. It’s what you find on the inside that makes it so incredible. That is what makes it beautiful. 

I started to believe it, which only heightened my insecurities. The moment I realized that that beauty isn’t about looking perfect or being a perfect person, it’s about celebrating your individuality was after my most recent breakup. 

I remember sitting there with tears welling up in my eyes as he told me I wasn’t good enough for him. I remember the next few days of despair thinking he was right. I can’t amount to much if even he didn’t have faith in me. The more his words echoed in my head the more they sank to the pit of my stomach. I felt sick. I wanted to vomit his words out of me so that I could never feel their sting again. 

I know what you’re thinking. How did that make you feel beautiful? It didn’t. This was the moment I felt my ugliest. I felt disgusting. I couldn’t look in the mirror at myself, not even to do my morning ritual of crying at the horror of how I look. These are the moments you need a click of clarity. It’s in a time of self loathing that you need to appreciate so that when you wake up from all your disdain you are refreshed and brilliant.

I woke up one morning and I got out of bed right away. Which hadn’t happened even before the breakup. I took the best shower of my life. You know, one of those showers where you just stand there and let the water trickle down your back and let your mind ponder life for a while. I looked down at my empty body. I had been losing weight at a particularly fast rate. I could feel the anger build up as I saw the entire outline of my rib cage. How could I let it get this bad? 

It was that anger that gently wiped my tears away. It was the anger I had, not towards him but towards myself for letting his words sink in too far. I didn’t want to feel so weak. I am the only person that truly cares about me. I am the only one that can hurt me and I am the only one that I can truly count on. I don’t want to feel anything less than wonderful. 

Stepping out of that shower, I wiped away the condensation from the mirror. I took a few steps back and just stared back at my reflection. 

Matt Diaz has worked extremely hard to lose 270 pounds over the past six years. But his proudest moment came in March 2015 when he decided to film himself with his shirt off to prove an important point about body positivity and self-love.

I may not be the most physically beautiful woman to have ever looked into a mirror but I have a heart of gold and I’m not about to let get rusty. I am stronger than any man who has told me I am not good enough. Even though the outside of me doesn’t show you how truly fascinating I am doesn’t mean it is not so. 

My eyes will never show my favorite quotes by my favorite authors. You will not be able to read the words that my hands have written by looking at them. You will never guess my amazing dance moves if you look down at my feet. You can never possibly know me if you simply take a glance my way. To truly know someone’s worth and their real beauty you must wipe away her makeup and let her hair down, where it can fly freely. You must value her by who she is rather than how she looks. Take all the good that she has to offer, because there are so many good things, and never show her the bad. 

I feel most beautiful when I am all by myself, in my most horrible looking mismatched pajamas dancing like a fool, because no one is watching, to the most ridiculous song. This is what beauty is. Beauty should not be defined by the media, it should be defined by the moments that make us smile. Beauty is the strength we carry inside from the worst moments in our lives. To me beauty is the comfortable feeling I get when I am all me. No hiding. No crying. No disgust. Just happy. Just me. To be truly beautiful you should just be yourself with no fears. 

"What makes me feel beautiful is finding my own strength and confidence in myself, and trying to walk through the world with positivity -- and expressing love and kindness towards other people. Beautiful acts can make you a more beautiful person."

"My smile, my skin -- those are some of my favorite things about myself. More generally, I guess I feel beautiful when people appreciate my work, my photography. When they reach out, it makes me feel really good."

"Getting all dolled up and taking the time to look your best -- like I am now! I'm just going out now, with some friends, so I've got this dress on and this jewelry I really love. That definitely makes me feel beautiful."

"For me, feeling beautiful is something you know about yourself that no one else knows. Whether that translates into a skill, a memory, or just a really solid pair of underwear."

"My voice makes me feel beautiful. I'm a classical singer, and when I sing...well, I just can't express it. I feel like my most true self."

"To me, it's all about having a congruence between the way you feel inside and your outward image. That's kind of why I got my tattoo. It's a way of expressing myself to the world -- and I like that. I don't think much about fashion, or stuff like that -- I mean, I'm wearing Birkenstocks with blue soles. Rather than getting too focused on clothes and dressing as who you want to be, you should just dress as who you are."



Mirror mirror on the wall, I am the fairest of them all.